how could someone do such a thing, rmb the time i lost my phone?
this person went to make overseas call and now my bill has bursted to 200 over dollars.

i think im on some shit luck recently.

there are many times when you started getting those questions answered. but they are getting you no where, they say, well, you should get a map, that shows directions, that might help you get out the maze.

maybe that helps.

if anyone has actually conclude im a emo freak who like to write emo posts.
wait, pls give me another chance.
i;ll start to write happy posts okay?

i'll put more smiley faces at least.(;(;(:

or.
okay maybe i should share about this, "simplicity is power"
"honesty is the way", " dont judge a book by its cover, in both ways"
the moral from the episode 4 of uglybetty.
and i was laughing till my side pain, and my bro asked me to stop laughing.
because they were singing and dancing wearing the hot dog and bun costume.
"eat me im a hotdog" betty.
"and im a oatly bun" marc.
"add a little mustard".
and so on and on.
wait i should post the whole episode up, but i dont know how.

in all, its hilarious and dumb. but i was enjoying myself with that.
to make this more cheerful,
listen to this. oh yah, i should upload the pics that were taken from the halloween night the other day, but i was just too lazy to do so. maybe on the next post. (;

let there be only my voices that reign inside my head.

OMG OMG! ugly betty season 4 is out!
so busy to blog even thou there are many things i wanted to talk about.
nah, maybe next time. (:

school starts, things went back to the usual.
attend lectures, go trainings, fool around.
and weekends means, church, training, movies and some of the other crazy moments that i will have.

tried playing cafe world but failed, because all my dishes went burnt,
);

my braces are hurting me, especially the rubber bands that are in there too.
and porridge was the only thing i can eat again. i dont like when i cannot chew.

watched this movie a while ago on HBO, and her singing is so captivating that it caught my eye. well, listen.

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

all good things will just come to an end. my attachment ending in 3 days time.
so glad that school reopening soon.

(;

i was keeping myself the whole day busy watching dramas,
these 2 particular dramas are senseless but funny,


betty is optimistic and strong just like sunyimei in (the golden days).
i just like these 2 characters, rlly enjoy watching. i have my weekends! finally.
and that sun yi mei just made me think of brenda liew, they both have alot in common, and taofubang looked like chuanlaoda, just that taofubang talked much more than chuan laoda, they both have a constant smirk upon their faces.but guiyen don't think so, okay nvm, its just my opinion, they entertained my day. and this is going to be my last week of attachment, and sadly to say my last week of holidays. however, i was jolly enjoying myself that friday night.
i never thought i could really be having so much fun. sometimes letting your hair down a little makes your day.

sometimes i was just wondering how much i like going following other peoples' paces.
but some people have paces that are nice to follow, they have this particular character that you are attracted to, you just like to hang around them, listen to what they wanted to say. they are interesting people, that you are willing to know more about, reading into some other people thoughts are like reading any other books that are interesting. sometimes they don't let you in, they don't tell you their deeper thoughts, and you have to guess them yourself. and its just amaze myself how much one person can influence me that i have never wanted them to. being able to lend a listening ear, or observing to somebody behaviour is much more to any dramas there, and you'll just going to learn some lessons out of it. they tell you some meanings. and to life? you have to figure out themselves somehow. but its not hard to figure out ya? because its alr a blessing that we have a life to go about, a life to write about, and a story to tell. maybe to your children next time. and your friends who are willing to give you any kind of support. and to me, this is life, sometimes hard, but fun and real, its not those fairytale characters that are not going to happen. everything in you make up your life, and sometimes you do enjoy, or sometimes not. but at the end of the day, you pull yourself through everything, when there are ups and downs. you count on your friends, you rant, you whine, you wanted someone to be your solace, but deep down we all know we got to figure out ourselves. sometimes you feel lonely, or sometimes you just wanted to be alone, close your room's door, say goodbye to the outside world. and have some deep thoughts about yourself. soon you'll figure out, probably get out of ur sorrows, you no longer need a solace. or maybe you learnt by not loving anyone that much will do you good, that maybe you will not feel that pain anymore. and life is nothing but experiences. you have to experience life, and at least we have life to enjoy. i;m really thanking god as much as i have been influenced by them, great companionship i've got, i guess i have influenced them somehow too. perhaps in a good way? i don't know, you've got to tell me, if you are reading this.

life is nothing but a show,we are the directors of it, we have choices, to make it lively or not. we have the choice because we are given the choice, so we got to make a good use to it, and life is the choice. so much i was thinking of them tonight, i hope they excel in their life, i rlly miss the school days. so many things that have happened, like brenda liew cried before i do one night, with him and her. because she knew i was faking a smile like i always do, okay its history now, even thou i was pissed with you of scolding me stupid. its humilating because i just sucks at bridge, but you know what, i was not rlly angry, perhaps a little as the dignity factor do matters at that time, yet i am missing you and your senseless actions and philosophy, well where are you now? i know you are busy handling your A levels. and this friendship is so precious.
its just such a shame that i have changed, i just changed. right now, nobody has placed the influence in me as much as you used to do, there is no one that i like to talk about so much to the others happily. maybe nobody could raise the interest for me to know about someone that much. not someone that i will like to accomodate. not anyone that i will listen to their lifes and have the interest to look into their worlds even if they don't allow me to. they placed the significance. and where are they now.

they are going along with their destiny, sometimes we are just like parrallel lines, that are never meant to meet again. goodluck, my friends, my dearest friends. (; placing some things that have became so dearest inside my heart, memories.
and life, its just those little things that make me appreciate it even further, to the fullest.

ain't she adorable? (:

i went to replace my sim card at vivo, with the help from my bro, as my dad is too busy to accompany me, and i'm once again contactable, yet, i felt so guilty today, cos i over slept, and i din go to work, i think i should just die now because i was just failing my superior, shes such a nice person, how could i do such a thing lke that, and when this morn. i was awakened by my mom, she told me its okay that i should just go to work even its late, but i really don't have the courage to do it. so i bluff the doctor that i have a major headache to get the mc, i use a lie to cover another lie.whoops.
as i was talking to bro justnow , he told me that i was not enjoying my life. and people all around me are just telling me that i probably have too much inside my head that is bothering me, and i'm just not letting them go. he said, at my age he was having the time of his life, and i told him i am just planning things ahead, i'm just being very responsible of my life. maybe everyone's right, so.

i ought to have some changes. but wait, i am enjoying life. didn't i?
oh yah and i need a sony ericsson's charger simply because my bro's phone do not have a charger. anyone out there could borrow me a spare one, and ive ordered one online but it takes 10 days to come. );

got to turn in now, or else i'll over slept again.

yes, not again. my phone got lost yesterday. and i have no idea how i lost it. cos i put the phone inside my bag all the time, my batt level is going flat now.
must be inside the cinema? maybe i dropped it on the floor. i really hope that whoever picks up will return it to me. fat hope.

nuoshi, you cannot be that clumsy all the time. you nearly lost it last time after training. all thanks to them that you retrieve it back. and you still don't cherish your phone! you are really hopeless. so now you feel the pain, serve you very right.

my contacts are important, but they are gone now. ); okay, i remember a few contacts.
luckily, but i should be careful with my replacement phone all thanks to my bro, he lent me his previous phone. (;

im waiting for another hour, in order to wish celeste happy birthday.
feeling sad because apparently her bf do not allow her to go trainings anymore.
); if this is wad he wants, i;m not in a position to change his mind.
thank you for your days, a great partner together for trainings even thou sometimes you whine alot, hah. but i'm really glad, that u have been with me when there are problems in my life. you've always have made that extra mile with me, lend me your listening ear when i needed it.
i don't know how things will become when you are not around.); i really cannot imagine the days without her in trainings. we are suppose to be the chopstick sisters. but i'm really going to be fine, please don't feel guilty because of that, as i know that you are already feeling down. so i'm good, there are still the rest there. i will not give up, i know you wont too. and its okay, so glad that i have chosen this cca with you because i have met wonderful friends there, and found a big interest in swimming, with a great passion that drives me on. a dream revealed, a life full of challenges infront, if its not you, i may not be able to discover that in my life.

happy 18th birthday! thank you for being a great friend. enjoy your life, and no matter what happens, i will always be here. and i really hope that he will change his mind.
although, it seems to be like impossible. nevertheless, i hope friendship is stil there.
always.
love you. (;

please don't go too far, my limit is almost there. you cannot always think for yourself. she is the one that needed you, you know that, you know that she love you very much, so please don't be insecure about anything, she chose you, so she will stay with you, ever. please have some faith in her.

even thou, i find it hard to accept, but its their problems, i'm not supposed to be there intercepting their views/conflicts. i just wanted to put this across, i'm sad, because my chopstick sister is not going to be there for me anymore, shes not coming, i have to learn to be more independent, we are always in our own world, happily chatting and gossip about other people. but now, i'm so afraid that things will going to be changed. deep inside, the fears are real. we are both in difficult position, and there we are, feeling guilty here and there. when i read your post, i was dying inside. because i was thinking what have i actually done for you. i have done so little. and oh friend, you will be missed, definately. and friend, friendship will not be lost, but what really pains me inside is that the friendship will fade. perhaps, i just needed a little bit of time to get over it, right?

yes.

im falling in love with my holidays.
oh right, its just like any other days when i wake up at 6 for work and end at 6.
sometimes there is still overtime work to do when i stay up quite late and have to take cab home. i'm still that clumsy, i broke the beakers and i shook the sample bottle without knowing that the cap is not tightly attached, all the liquid oil was spilled all over my labcoat. stained my arms and foot. On the floor and the table top was the oil sample. whats more was that i was not at all being blamed for the mess i have created. Instead, they helped me clean up. They kept on emphasized that it was okay and that i should just sit down and get some rest and don't have to bother about the mess, they were took good care of that. i'm just going to feel embarrassed and guilty because i have caused troubles that they have to clear up for me when we already have so much to do at that time, because for no reason, samples kept on coming in at the last minute, and we are supposed to finish analysis them within the 24 hours. i thought i could be contribute some help to them but instead i was just creating more troubles.

my superior is one of those extinct creatures in the world. she is so patient and nice towards everyone here inside the company. we came out with this special diet plan because there is this "petroleum activity" going on everytime at the lunch time where we will going to weigh ourselves and take down the weight and the height. i'll prepared the diet lunchbox for the both of us after realising we need an immediate diet going on. and soon after 2 days i slimmed down 2 kg. However, there are going to be alot of good food over the weekend tempting me because my parents are just going to cook delicious meals for us. therefore, im going to bounce back to the starting line. it is really enjoyable to work with the wonderful people there. a first step to my diet plan there is no more fast food for me, ever! there goes my favourite 2 piece chicken meals with the crunchy thighs and drumsticks. aiyah. the most delicious and tempting food are always those that will steal away your health and self esteem. so say "NO" to them.

apart work, i have been enjoying every bits of holidays in my majong sessions and following my pace, because there are no more obligations in the weekend that i have to worry about. assignments and trainings as competition has ended. i can watch TV, played my ipod, sometimes read a book, take an afternoon nap, simply enjoying my life. ok, i'm going to have more picnics at botanic garden. and shopping with the girls the other day was awesome. i love night shopping. i never thought i could be enjoying my holidays in this way since i was having my attachment, that steal away a big portion of your time.

oh and my dad returned home with chicken chop as dinner for us. ); what, please don't tempt me with that! the smell of it lingered all around the living room. good one. okay i got to go. not to eating but to catch up my holidays. cya !

the pain physically is not harder to bear than the ones inside.
tht is why i name here to be somewhere to let your sorrow unmasked. ppl read it, they thought what has happened to me, but im okay, its just a part of me revealing, but not the rest. all of the time, its one sided. its practically hidding something only to reveal the other parts.
i suppose im just trying to write something to release my emotions, you can go. its what i want to write. and thinking of who are reading just giving me troubles or hindering me from being who i am. even after all these years, i have been trying to help, but maybe all you wanted was just a listening ear, i ponder on to the past, and time we have spent together. maybe that has allowed us to change, no longer holding the simplicity and pure dreams we once have. no matter what has happened to you, how much things you have to bear, or the pain you have to go through.
do not let them put you down so easily. i really do not know how to extinguish your fears and insecures. do not let the world fail you again.

those innocent days might have flown away, we just move on and on.
Restlessness is not that hard to bear. even i have to wake up at 6 in the morn, and returned home at 7, and the routine continue. a week has passed, i have learnt more than i thought i will.
its not that bad, and its just like having practical lessons for the whole day. somehow i have grown interest in this aspect. i have nt entered the wrong course after all. i believe hardships are there for us to learn. i used that to remind myself to remain being my best. at least i have tried.
i know i'm not one of the bright and shiny kids who can close one eye and passed the exams with flying colours. that has never applied to me, this is why i assume only hard work may pay off.
sometimes it doesn't, but on the bright side i have tried to do the best i can. i remembered there was once this person during the sharing session, she told me tht able to admit her failures are especially hard, because she knows that she is a competitive person. or maybe is the competitive environment made her into one. who knows, they say i was being made to fight, im sorry to disappoint you,im not. i have never wanted to win, because i pitied the person who came last in the competition. who have care about them. what people care are only the champions. we all made to be one.again, i don't like competitions.if i was moulded to become one of them, i know definately tht this is not what i want. yes, maybe i am just being too naive, i can't even let it go. why take things in the hard way? well, this is me. i just cannot be forced.

enough said, ive got a life to catch, and i know i will.

please do not laugh when you see this.
i happen to see this photo in facebook.
thanks to my pri 1 classmate, he posted this in fb.
its so long time ago. and where am i? probably hidden among the bushes
i think i wore yellow shhirt, since i was in yellow house at that time.
some more, the house captain when i was in pri 5. hahaha
those olden days.

remember the first day of school in kindergarden probably, every kids looked very sad,
because they have to leave their mama and papa to go for schooling.
i was not at all excited. i remembered that day everyone sobbing and i stared at them, there is this particular boy still crying.
the next day also, and the next.
then i remembered complaining to mama about him, " he everyday also cry de, cannot stand him"
i asked my mama to stay behind. she say she cannot and i was even more depressed.



i suppose i have a happy childhood. because my mama is not very strict with me.
she never beats me up for my lousy academic results. but, my pri 1 teacher is even more stricter. there was once my whole family helped to rush my assignment early in the morning at 6am because i din do my work. and she always has very high expectations. ); hello i'm only 6.
i love the hopscotch and the zero points in my pri sch.
cheers.

i like canon in D, theres this sweet sadness lingering on.
and i use it as a motiviation for me to study.

and i am wondering if i should get a ipod/touchscreen ipod.
since my attachment is at PAYA LEBAR
i definately need it on a 1.5 hr trip to little road.
touchscreen ipod can play games lei, that time i used my senior's one to play a retard game.
seemed to be very interesting with the wifi wireless, but i don't think train has wireless.
red ipod? that one is limited edition, only can get it online, but i don't have so many songs to put inside, since i seldom download songs. cos i either went to youtube or mixpod. maybe i should ask the world to donate songs to me if i really get one.

they having teachers celebration back in BBSS, wish i could go back too.
unluckily, exams are holding me up, i have a paper tml. sms mr quek and wish him happy teachers day! hes one of my fav teacher in BBSS. let me think of some memorable teachers i have, mr sam? the one who forced me to join DRAMA club, and at that time, my everyday's sec school life is to figure out how to "pon" drama. i switched off my phone in case he called, always find 12323435 kinds of excuses not to go. Girlguides also, so you can see how committed i was back then, and i don't even now. CCA has never been a major part of schooling for me, but the "pon" part was, because its always very exciting for me and guiyen or probably jiaen to find a best route to get out of the school gate without having to be spotted by seniors or the teachers. happy teachers day to mr sam too, hope he is still as "happy" as before. Mrs chan? my memories are now fading about my sec school life. nevertheless, HAPPY TEACHERS DAY TO all of you.

and yesterday sermon was great. inspire me in alot of ways.
i was pretty down the few days because of the stupid maths paper i had on the other day. i'll probably get a b the most for it. figured out the whole GPA system and how to calculate my GPA. in order to get a 4 GPA, its A for every modules. and every credit for me is 0.167 GPA. okay its hard to explain here.

); gladys is leaving singapore this tues to china for her attachment,
pray that she is going to have a fruitful 6 weeks vacation/attachment.
pls remember to come online, lets webcam and chit-chat okay?

guiyen also, to XIAMEN for 2 weeks, she says shes going to build a dam over there, pls don't get washed away by the river over there, take good care of yourself and miss me. a farewell BBQ for her on the sat.i'm all excited about it, because its another party time!

the love will always be there.
and the feeling lingers.
another day with hope.

happen to spot this MV on MTV
very nice right?




i've always admire those who can give, not everyone else can give more than they take.
they say, its only if you know how to love than you will be love. do you?

"These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence: the connections — sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent — that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it. The events my death brought were merely the bones of a body that would become whole at some unpredictable time in the future. The price of what I came to see as this miraculous lifeless body had been my life." i waited for justice but justice did not come.


another must-watch movie around december, followed by new moon.
i feel like reading the novel more than watching the movie. but i cannot, i have to study now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWyNYxGZonI
the link for the trailer.

my dreams are getting weirder nowadays,
i dreamt about going to a creepy laboratory at jurong island for my attachment.
in there, i do researches on fishes? and i was suffocating inside the tank.
i did not die, fishes were caught. super random right?
then i saw shark! and gigantic fishes waving at me. i call for help, my superior simply just ignored me, i banged against the glass panel, i try shouting but i cannot.
then i swimed across the fishes up to the surface to grasp some air.
okay, i have fears for my attachment now);
i changed my mind, i don't wish to go, i wish i have agreed to go for overseas attachment instead.
oh.

i don;t want to spend my holidays on attachment. );
i woke up, and i realised that little revision was done,
papers on wed and thurs, wish me luck.
*shouts* help.

hello happy 18th birthday Seah koonlay!

its another hour, and annkhay says she wants to steal my birthday from me so that i can stay at 17 forever, it will be soon that i no longer can sing the song, dancing queen.

"you're the dancing queen, young and sweet only 17.
See that girl, watch that scene, having the fun of your life,
woohoo. "

but anyway, its both joy and sorrow for me today.
i was trying hard to take things lightly, on how to accept that sorrow is just part of me, and my life.

those medals are simply just insignificant to me, when i wanted something badly, like to win, its just probably a pleasure when i got it, but it is not absolute happinese. even if we did it, i felt the joy, i thought i could convince myself to just win my own race, run my own race, and nothing probably just bother me. but that is not the fact, or else, i will not be utterly affected today when i know some of the truths that is unbinding to me in such a ugly way. and not only that, i know sometimes people just wanted to win, but is that really important, important to even lose your sportsmanship, lose your team-bonding, and that medal has meant nothing, its just stated, wow, you can run, or you can swim, or you can surf, or you can canoe, or you can endur. and thats it, but deep inside? you showing the rest, the most ugliest personality. whats the point of getting the medal, that medal has turned into a $6.50 piece of metal immediately infront of you. You lose more than you gain.
i don't want to be someone like that, for me, its more like breaking our own records, pushing your own limits, overcoming your deepest fears and the joy based on the fact that you know you have done your best?

i know at times, i cannot get over the fact that why some of the people can lead their lifes in a deceiving way, how could they even smile when they got the medal, and seriously why should i even bother (like again?), its their life, they want it to be that way, they can happily pretend.

*claps claps* for you, if you want me to elbow people, or to even pull people's surfboard in the competition, i'd rather lose the game.
depise the most when people are like that. (i'm very serious).

in all, i learnt alot. and i am thinking if everything worth it at all, not the part that people cheated in the games, but in all, is this really what i want? is this what i wanted it to be?

hmm. i know its very honouring moment to stand on the top 3 platform, and wave your flag, smile at the camera, see i did it. however, something is just lacking , i find no motivation. i sense no encouragement for myself to carry on, because the sorrow is just too hard to bear.


duh, i'm comfortably at home, everything is over now. (;

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY HUANG NUONUO!
i like being called nuonuo, its a long story behind. and only they will call me that.

i was being borned on this day because my mom nearly miscarriage me, );
a 5months 2 weeks-pre-mature foetus becoming into a baby.

marks my personality of head-stronged in there, and at times i can be too stuborn.
finished my paper tml and i can really enjoy the day,
everything going to come to an end, it makes me realise what are the things that are significant while somethings are not.

thats a good thing. (;

On this day of your life, Ng, we believe God wants you to know... ...
that happiness has nothing to do with pleasure.
You feel pleasure when you want something and you get it. Or when you don't want something and you remove it. Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer

accept it and face it. (:

so tired, my head is like going to burst at any moment,
pre-fever symtoms perhaps, but i'm not able to sleep.

);

luckily its just a presentation tml and its at late noon.

the kittens outside my house were bitten by those stupid,violent,cruel,idiotic wild dogs the other night.the auntie who took care of them was crying when she was telling me that.